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7个迹象显示,你与老板太亲近了

Strong relationships with colleagues can improve your work life. But if you’re overly close with a superior ― namely, your boss― the bond could actually do more harm than good, according to psychologist and executive coach Kate Snowise.
良好的同事关系有助于你的工作生活。但要是你与上级的关系太亲近——也就是,与你的老板的关系——这种关系可能会弊大于利,心理学家间与高管教练凯特·斯诺维斯如是解释。
“It is great to have personal relationships at work, and research demonstrates that having a close friend at work is one of the greatest contributors to job satisfaction, but things can get weird if this person is your boss, due to the potential power they have with your career,” she told HuffPost.
“能够在工作中建立人际关系是很好的事情,并且也有研究显示在工作上有一位亲近的朋友,对于提升职业满意度有很大的作用,但是如果那个人是你的老板的话,事情就变得很奇怪了,因为那会涉及到他们对你的职业生涯所起到的潜在影响,”她给《赫芬顿邮报》解释道。

We asked experts to share the telltale signs that the relationship with your boss has ventured into unhealthy or inappropriate territory.
本网站询问了许多专家,请他们为我们分享一些很明显的警告标志,预示着你与老板的关系会慢慢陷入不健康或危险的境地

1. You stop receiving constructive feedback about your work performance.
1. 你再也接收不到关于你工作表现的建设性反馈。

“There is a fine line between being a boss and a friend, and being a boss requires sometimes having the hard conversations. If you’re getting too close to your boss, you may have found that you haven’t received any constructive feedback or don’t get any guidance on how you can take your career to the next level. Friends usually don’t want to upset or offend us, but it’s often the hard feedback delivered by a boss that can be some of the greatest fuel to help us move forward in our careers.” ― Kate Snowise
“老板与员工的关系以及朋友的关系,这两种关系之间有一条界线。并且,老板有时候需要开展一些艰难的对话。如果你与老板的关系越来越接近,你可能会发现你再也没有接受到任何建设性的反馈,或者没有收到任何帮助你前进到下一个阶段的指导。朋友通常都不想打击或冒犯我们,但通常只有接受来自老板的铁一般的反馈,才能获得最好的能源,驱动我们为事业的发展而努力。”——凯特·斯诺维斯

2. You start feeling like the teacher’s pet.
2. 你开始觉得自己像是“老师的宠儿”。

“This is often the first red flag. You feel singled out for plum projects and are taken to lunch more often than other members of the team. You may also get more face time with you manager. This is dangerous territory not only for the manager and company ― particularly with the greater awareness of bullying and sexual harassment claims of late ― but for you. You risk being ostracized by your peers and may find it difficult to get cooperation from coworkers.” ― Lynn Taylor, workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior & Thrive in Your Job
“这常常就是首个危险信号。你感到自己被孤立于渴望已久的项目之外,相比其他团队成员,老板带你出去吃饭的频率更高了。你还有可能常常与你的经理见面。这是一个很危险的情况,不仅对于经理和公司——尤其是越来越注重近期的职场霸凌或性骚扰指控来说——对于你来说也是。你冒险把自己排除到同事之外,还发现难以和同事合作。”——丽因·泰勒(职场专家,《驯服可怕的办公室暴君:如何应对孩子气的老板行为,奋力发展》的作者)

3. You two share inside jokes that make your colleagues uncomfortable.
3. 你们开的玩笑,让同事们感到不适。

“It’s OK if you develop a friendship with your boss outside of work. But it can be detrimental if you start forming inside jokes that spill into the workplace. If you find yourself sitting in meetings and you and your boss are sharing knowing glances with each other in reference to colleagues, you’re too close. This sort of behavior diminishes workplace morale and will damage productivity at work.” ― Alena Gerst, psychotherapist
“你在工作以外与老板建立友情是没有问题的。不过如果你开始编一些圈内的笑话散播到职场当中,这就有可能是有害的。如果你发现自己坐在会议室里,与老板眉来眼去,同时指向其他同事,那么你们之间的关系就太密切了。这一种行为会大大损害工作士气,还会降低工作效率。”——阿琳娜·格斯特(心理治疗师)

4. Your meetings are more social than work-oriented.
4. 会议的内容更倾向社交而不是工作。

“If you’re too close to your boss, often the line between work and play can get blurred. The danger is that you may find that you don’t get the direction or support you need, as your meetings can often become more of a social catch-up than an opportunity to discuss real work-based issues or the need for guidance. You can help get around this by sending your boss agenda items of the things you want to discuss before any meeting.” ― Kate Snowise
“如果你与老板的关系太亲近,那么工作与玩乐之间的界限就会越来越模糊。这里有一个险区,你可能会发现自己无法获取所需的指引或支持,正如你们的会议的风格更像是社交话家常而不是一个讨论真实的工作问题或提出知道需求的场合。你可以避开这个,只需要发送一条行程清单告诉老板你想要在会议讨论的事情就可以了。”——凯特·斯诺维斯

5. You feel obligated to see each other outside of work.
5. 你无法抑制自己下班后与对方见面。

“It’s one thing to be invited to an occasional lunch alone by your manager. But if you’re being singled out, it’s happening often and it starts being combined with other outings, such as drinks or dinner, the relationship is likely crossing a healthy boundary. You should be able to do your job during normal working hours and never feel uncomfortable about the time and/or place. If you do, it’s your right to speak up immediately, with diplomacy.” ― Lynn Taylor
“偶尔被经理邀请一次单独的午餐是一回事。但是如果你是被故意挑选出来的,这种事情常有发生,并且这种单独外出的情况与其他事情结合起来了的话(比如,喝东西或晚餐),你们之间的关系似乎正在跨越正常的关系边界。你有义务在正常的上班时间完成你的工作内容,并且不会对于时间或地点感到不安。如果你真的能够这样做,那么你有权力策略性地立刻把这件事说出来。”——琳·泰勒

6. You start venting to each other like you would to a close friend or therapist.
6. 你们开始互相吐苦水,把对方当作亲密的朋友或心理治疗师。

“As much as someone can say that whatever you say to them won’t affect their impression of you, we’re all human and certain things can’t be unheard. So be careful what you share with your boss. If you find yourself using your boss as a venting buddy, telling them about your frustrations with the workplace and how you’re so hung over you can barely function, you might want to learn to keep your mouth shut.” ― Kate Snowise
“虽然很多人都说过,不管你对他们说什么都不会影响对方对你的印象,但是我们都是人类,有些事情无法视若无睹。因此你要注意与老板分享的内容。如果你发现自己正在把老板当作出气筒,告诉他你在工作上的烦恼,表现出你醉酒得几乎不能自控的状态,也许你真的应该学学闭上你的嘴巴了。”——凯特·斯诺维斯

7. The relationship becomes flirtatious.
7. 关系变得轻佻浮躁。

“If you feel like you’re on a date versus ‘on the clock,’ there’s reason to develop an immediate strategy to deal with it. Your manager may call you by an affectionate name or cross the line with an unwanted hug, and you see this repeated. You’re made to feel awkward, and it’s difficult to be productive. The longer you wait to put a stop to their behavior, the more challenging it will be ― and the legal ramifications of this can be significant. The employer, your boss and you could all be part of a hostile work environment legal claim from other workers.” ― Lynn Taylor
“如果你感觉自己一直忙于约会而不是‘打卡上班’,那么你就有必要想出一套即场策略来应对。你的经理也许会用一个亲切的名字来称呼你,或者跨越了界线,给你一个你不想要的拥抱,而你发现这种事情时有发生。你被弄得很尴尬,也很难提高自己的工作效率。若你越不及时制止他们的行为,制止这件事就变得越困难——并且这件事情所需承担的法律后果就会很意义重大。那个雇主,也就是你的老板还有你,都会成为与其他同事相互敌对的工作环境当中的一部分。”——琳·泰勒

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